Sorry, Boo! It Ain’t About You

Episode 16 from the Educational Equity Emancipation podcast

(This transcript has edited for clarity and readability.)

“Some people are in such utter darkness, that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.”

- Dr. Kamand Kojouri

I need your help. I really need your help.

credit: adobe stock

Over the last six years or so, we've seen a rise in bad behavior in public spaces. We've heard and seen people who say the quiet part out loud, and I mean, really loud. There's been an almost disappearance of common courtesy.

And as one who speaks at conferences and events workshops, there are attempts to hijack sessions in professional spaces. There's a lot of heckling, and people trying to get other people riled up.

In my experiences, I have seen, not just exercises of White privilege, but most recently, attempted oppression, and outright racism coming out of the mouths of educators. Racism coming from the mouths of people who work in education, and school board members that we've allowed to be elected to run the organizations that take care of our children.

A lot of times these words, activities, oppression, racism, the heckling are cloaked in words like “freedom” and “liberty.” They talk about a so-called “return to basics.”

Basic what?

The other day I was presenting at a state education conference. My topic was recruiting and retaining educators with DEI in mind. (If that sounds familiar, it's because the podcast version of that workshop is episode 6.)

In my sessions on that topic, whether it's face to face, a podcast, a webinar, all my sessions, not just that topic, I always teach what I call the “essential understandings.” And if you're an educator, that's that front loaded vocabulary that we have to have in the classroom.

In any session that has to do with anything DEI, or diversity, equity, inclusion, and implicit and explicit bias, there are terms that I teach at the beginning, every single workshop to make sure that we are all on the same page.

And then there's one other term that I teach: cognitive humility.

And if you remember, or you've done your homework, and you've been listening, cognitive humility is based in the science of cognition. The idea that our human brains can take in new information and learn infinitely when we're exposed to new ideas, new constructs, new places, new cultures.

The humility part comes in that we are accepting of those ideas, even if they are different from our own. And we can work to make sense of them.

But understanding means having enough personal humility to accept that maybe there are other ways of seeing, or other ways of thinking, or other ways of living, of being humble.

So, back to this workshop…

My audience was not racially diverse, not much, heavily majority White. There were some Black participants. There were no Latinos that I could see.

There was a gentleman who did say later on that he identified as Latino.

There were no Asians.

Primarily participants were superintendents, school board trustees, HR people, assistant or associate or deputy superintendents, etc. Leadership. And I had been warned earlier that morning shortly after I saw a group of people with matching t-shirts plastered with those code words of “freedom” and “liberty” on them, that there were some people, elected school board members, who were there to disrupt anything having anything to do with equity.

“Until the ugliness that is rooted in hate and oppression, in White superiority, and a complete lack of cognitive humility, or any semblance of cultural sensitivity, or even cultural awareness, spoke out.”

And I had my eye on them.

I was expecting them.

And I was ready for them.

I just finished the activity where I help participants close their eyes and go through their day through a lens of racial isolation. And this is interactive afterwards, right?

We're talking. We're debriefing. I do a “Turn and Talk to Your Neighbor,” then there's some whole group sharing.

And as people - White people, Black people, men, women - shared their “aha” moments and their sadness in a very supportive environment, there was a lot of thoughtful listening. There was respect.

Until the ugliness that is rooted in hate and oppression, in White superiority, and a complete lack of cognitive humility, or any semblance of cultural sensitivity, or even cultural awareness, spoke out.

And that's what I call the attempted hijack.

So, this woman – we’re going to call her “Boo” – was trying to take my session south pretty quickly. And it could have gone there. Because people were upset. I could feel, you could feel, the hurt, the anger, specifically of the Black people in the room.

I gave those Black women in the room who spoke up the opportunity to respond. Because it was a direct attack.

White men responded.

White women responded.

You could hear the upset in the voices. Not just of Black people, but of White people as well. And they were all aligned against the ignorance and the bias that spewed from the mouth of that one White woman, a school board trustee.

Now, again, I know that there were people that there were there to disrupt. But why?

And I know that clearly, she was not there to learn. So, in my head, to get myself through moments like this, I said to myself, “Sorry, Boo. But this ain't about you.”

This is about improving outcomes for learners based on science. And this is where I need your help: We have got to spread this word, so that more people know what to do, when to do it. How to recognize this hate, this oppression.

Now, I've got pretty good crowd control skills. I've been speaking at conferences and events for 20 years now. And I taught elementary school, and middle school, and high school. So, I was able to wrap up that debate and get things moving forward as I had planned.

But I have to say, it really was a great session. After we got her in place.

There was a lot of laughter. There was a lot of connecting. There was a lot of sharing.

And afterwards, there was a long line of people that were waiting to speak to me. To, you know, thank me, give accolades, tell stories, connect, take pictures. I love that part. I love personally connecting with my audience.

Anyhow, I digress… a long line of people. And out of the corner of my eye, I could still see her. She was still there.

She watched.

We have got to spread this word, so that more people know what to do, when to do it. How to recognize this hate, this oppression.

And she waited.

And waited and waited.

It had to be a good 20 minutes before the last person left, leaving me, a colleague of mine, and a colleague of hers alone at the front of the room.

And I bet you want to know what she wanted.

She wanted to tell me that I was wrong.

She wanted to tell me that this whole focus on equity was hurting White kids.

And oh! Not just the White kids, the special ed kids, too.

Her colleague appeared visibly shaken by her words. This woman standing sort of behind her and off to the right was shaking her head in disagreement and had eyes that expressed an apology.

And so, I asked this woman, “Boo? Hey, Boo? Do you understand the research that I presented?” She simply said she didn't agree with it.

By the way, it wasn't my research. It was the research of highly esteemed scholars in the field. She disagreed with their research. And she went on to tell me why that research was wrong based on what was happening in her schools.

And, again, sorry, Boo Boo. Your schools have some systemic issues, and you're describing them to me!

So, I explained to her that the issues she was describing were a matter of system errors, of people doing things the wrong way. But she didn't want to hear that. Again, she suggested I didn't understand her position.

I assured her that I did. In fact, to make sure she understood that I understood, I restated her words to her verbatim. Just for clarity. And of course, I asked her if she understood what I was saying.

Her response, and I'm sure you won't be surprised, “I don't care.”

Hmm…?

So, I asked her with the politest of practiced smiles on my face, “So why are we having this conversation?”

With that point, she looked at me, turned around and walked away.

Her colleague that was with her came up immediately apologizing, and I assured her that I understood the root of that woman's ignorance. And I did not assign it to her, but thanked her for expressing an apology.

So folks, equity warriors: In a battle of wits, always be armed!

No one can hijack your words, your mission, if they can't match your weapons.

And your greatest weapon is your intellect, your knowledge about the subject. That and, of course, a little bit of wit.

Know that those people are out there. They're waiting. They're waiting for an opportunity to try and hijack and distort what you say, because they have no shame.

They have no honor. They have no respect for the things that they claim to honor and respect. Because if you really honor and respect freedom and liberty, then my freedom of speech, my freedom of thought, is just as important as yours!

Freedom of speech for them is only freedom for their speech; the freedom of thought, only for their school of thought.

And it's because they're afraid.

They're afraid of the power of our message!

You should know that these types of people are trying to take over school boards to forward their agenda. An agenda of oppression of marginalized peoples. An agenda of White supremacy. This should not be happening in our schools!

So, gear up! Sharpen your mind!

Your mind is your greatest weapon. Know your stuff. Know the research, the data, the facts.

Share this message and engage in self-care. Because this is hard work.

It will weigh on you.

So, take care of yourself and have those words and expressions in your head. Practice them, just like I practice my smile and the words, “Sorry, Boo, but this ain't about you” that come from a quiet voice in my head.

You will need those things, those tools, in your head to help steel you against the idiocy that you will face.

Have those things, those supportive reminders, that will give you that private smile.

And then join me every week. Send me your questions, topics and requests to AskDrBerry.com. And I'll answer those questions and bring you experts to help address those topics.

As always, don't worry about the things you cannot change. Change the things you can no longer accept.

I'll see you next time.